it's been a few years, but I need some release. the past few weeks have been such a whirlwind of emotions.

step by step, years of slowly inching towards the future that I've been building for myself since I was seventeen and clueless -- I'm so close now. but it's been exhausting, having to continuously remind myself of my motivations and jumpstart my dulled ambitions back into gear. I find myself questioning where I am, how I got here, how things could be if had been a little more decisive when I was younger. I become a little less certain of the years of experience that I carry on my back and begin to wonder if the shoe really fits, or if I ever wanted the shoe to start with. a tempest of doubt, cascading through my supposed raison d'etre.

I have always been a skeptic, particularly so regarding matters of self-fulfillment. but it's always in these moments of vulnerability and uncertainty that the winds of fate would intervene, picking me up and throwing me into the midst of a typhoon, a storm, which would help put the pieces of myself split by a wavering heart back together, whole again, the same way they did 10 years ago.

with time, arashi has become an irreplaceable part of my existence. between seventeen and twenty-seven, through all the emotional turmoil, trauma, and anxiety-ridden nights of these past ten years, they have been a constant source of happiness, security, love, passion, hope, and optimism for me. a reminder than I can still go on, I can still walk forward, that even something as simple as a smile can make life worth living, that something wonderful is surely waiting for me down this path that I have chosen. I can never thank them enough for that.

and on this day, the 12th of november, I am thinking of nino in particular. I think about nino over the years - he's always had a sharp tongue and tends to come off as flippant and careless, but beneath that is an honest and rather soft-hearted man who cares more for his fellow members than he can ever find the words to express. and that's why I am so, so incredibly happy for his marriage. the sudden announcement was certainly a surprise, but that made it all the more exciting. there's nothing more wonderful than seeing someone that you love and admire find their own happiness, and to watch others celebrate that with them.

aiba's message really resonated with me -- "this is the path that my best friend has chosen". as a fan who thinks of arashi as a precious existence beside myself, I can relate to that same sentiment. I applaud nino's bravery and thoughtfulness in the deliberate nature that he chose to share this moment with us. I hope that he feels at peace, and that any doubts or anxiety that he might have had in sharing this announcement will cease to exist. because this is a beautiful moment, perhaps one of the most important moments of his life, and certainly something worthy to share, celebrate, and cherish with all of your heart.

congratulations to the man who has made the greatest impression on my life, and as always, thank you. 幸せになってください.