at 2 in the morning, I found myself thinking about the reasons why I feel the way I do about you. why I like you, and how it all started. maybe to find some sort of justification, some sort of rationale, an explanation (an excuse) for the otherwise inexplicable turmoil in my mind, body, and soul.

I thought back on previous crushes; how every time before, it's always started with a simple question, responded to with a complex answer. an answer that gave me insight into their mind and sparked a curiosity that would set my heart on fire, ablaze; slowly, steadily, then finally, all at once.

I thought back on japan, and our cumulative time spent together -- maybe it was throwing around ideas with each other on the shinkansen. maybe it was your hand on the small of my back at a conbini by suidobashi station to guide and usher me to the case with the ice cream. maybe it was all of the late night talks we had in kyoto that followed us all the way back to tokyo. maybe it was listening to your voice, your sweet sweet voice, as you sang michael buble at karaoke. or maybe it was listening to the quiet of your voice as you laid down beside me on the tatami under the blankets. in the end, I don't think there's one answer. it's a sickeningly sweet combination of it all, compounded by the longevity of our friendship.

talking to you, spending time with you, it feels like the rainy days we spent in hakone -- a breath of fresh, dewy mountain air. you feel like the spring; the vibrant shades of green after a storm, the cool mist at dawn that slowly dissipates into light as the sun rises, the warm winds rushing through an open window in the late afternoon, the hues of dark blue mixed with yellow and pink in the sky that brings tears to my eyes at sunset.

in the 10 years I've known you, I think it has always felt this way, but it holds true now more than ever before. and I adore you for everything you are to me, have been for me, and for everything that you've made me feel.

a spark, burst into flame.